Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Superheroes et al. (Holiday Report – part 2)

Sweetie and I spent a week with my father and step-mother. Activities involved were: golf (only once), hiking (twice), watching TV (every day), eating pie (four times [twice for breakfast!]), [redacted] (twice), hot soak in the rec room hot tub (twice), and eating out (twice). It was a good time and my folks were very generous, but we overstayed by a day or so.

We went out to the links the day after we arrived and I popped my shoulder out on the first tee. It’s an injury that occurs when I’m tired and nervous, haven’t played for a while, feel rushed and haven’t warmed up properly. Some of you may remember that I did the same thing during a golf excursion as part of a certain Las Vegas bachelor party. It hurts and is a bummer. Regardless, I hit some good shots, and ended up having fun. Dad, my stepmom and I tried to go back out the day before we left, but a crazy storm blew in and we decided against it. I have, as you might guess, a desire to compete with my father at golf. The dream of every son is to thrash his old man, and the golf course is our squared circle.

-- Post script to our first day of golfing: there was a pack of teen-agers on a mesa above the course who were shouting mockeries through a PA system at the golfers. For example: "Good show, old bean!" And, " I like your pink shirt." It was very distracting and also totally surreal. --

Sweetie and I drove up to Zion one day. We spotted a Golden-crowned Kinglet and had to stop for an adult deer crossing the road to meet it’s brothers. We hiked up a trail (the Hidden Canyon trail, if I remember correctly), and found ourselves alone hundreds of feet over the canyon. I hung my feet over the drop-off and laid down on the trail. Looking up the vertical walls of the canyon in to the sky I had ten seconds or so of transcendence. Amazing. That’s why people take drugs, man.

We watched Spider-man 2 with the parents and also The Day After Tomorrow, which my dad called “really good science-fiction.” I guess he just wanted us to know that he didn’t endorse the film’s lefty politics.

We ate cherry pie with strawberry ice cream, and pecan pie with whip cream.

[redacted]

The rec room pool was very nice. The “weight room” was a treadmill, a stepper, a stationary bicycle, a small rack of chrome dumbbells and a tower of weight machines assembled, apparently, by Spanish Inquisition. The rec room hot tub was great.

Now, if you get to southern Utah, you must check out the Blue Bunny. Blue Bunny is a sit-down ice cream parlor and so much more. We went there during the “Santa Claus Pajama Party” and, as a former professional Santa, the Blue Bunny Santa is as close as you get to the real thing. This guy was good.

Anyway… There’s so much more to say about the trip. We were visited by the superbeing D-Nyal, whose power to pretend ignorance, regift presents, parrot his evil masters, and self-medicate is far greater than that of moral men. He can only be defeated by the parakeet Paraclete - David Allen Sibley. Thank you, David.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Holiday Report

Writing to you from Utah today. Please enjoy a classic Free Media Report article from a few years ago.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Starbuck Finalizes Uni Deal

LOS ANGELES – Coffee giant Starbucks Coffee Corporation announced today that it has finalized its purchase from Vivendi Universal of subsidiary Hollywood movie studio Universal Pictures.

Howard Shultz, Chairman and Chief of Global Strategies for Starbucks, announced the acquisition today at a board of directors meeting in Seattle. Starbucks bought Universal Studios and its lucrative film library outright for 5.2 billion dollars, nearly half a billion dollars less than the French company spent to purchase Uni from Matsushita in 1995. The move gives Vivendi a much need cash infusion that will help the beliegured company avoid bankrupcy.

Running of the studio will be supervised for Starbucks by current Executive VP of Merchandizing, Marketing and Brand Development, Melvin Hartwang, who will be promoted to Overseer of Studio Operations and will report directly to Shultz. Shultz said that Starbucks has been contemplating a move into the entertaiment industry for some time.

“We have the ability to make more films, cheaper,” Shultz said.
Changes in studio operations, which were outlined in an investor’s packet, include closing down Universal’s offices in Los Angeles, firing all household, clerical and writing staffs and moving essential employees to “film production plantations” in South America, East Africa and Indonesia.

“We can merge our current network of coffee producing real estate with our new film production business quite seamlessly. The cost for us to shoot in Costa Rica versus Los Angeles or even Canada will be pennies on the dollar. Using digital technology, we will be able to pump the footage Stateside for ‘roasting’, and then serve it up fresh at theaters or new micro-theaters in the stores,” Overseer Hartwang said.

When questioned about the ethics of runaway production, Hartwang said only, “Starbucks is very proud of its role as a good corporate citizen and we will continue to act in strict accordance with our own Corporate Social Responsibility Statement.”

Vivendi Chief Jean-Rene Fourtou, who replaced former head Jean-Marie Messier this summer, said after signing the the papers on his yacht anchored off the Grand Cayman Island, “good riddence.”

Starbucks trades on Nasdaq as SUBX and closed up 2 1/2 at 23.25 Friday.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Um, dude, it's take your pick day...

Door Number 1 – Fascism

Door Number 2 – Big Brother

Door Number 3 – Imperialism

I have a coworker who thinks that Bush is going to be impeached after the 2006 midterms. I think that’s wishful thinking, but, god, I’m wishing real hard. What’s scary about the neo-conservative philosophy is that it’s largely based on fear. Fear of poor people, fear of brown skin, fear of The Other. It’s especially hard to take that the White House authorized warrant-less domestic spying on behalf of protecting the people of the United States. His actions make us less American. It’s good that he’s still relatively young. There’ll be plenty of time for him to face the firing squad.

***

I want to throw some crazy props out to J.C. Coates. You are a baller among bloggers. Your stats are amazing. Double doubles on the comment boards. And a behind the back slam dunk with two dead dogs. All net!

RE: my use of “ludacris.”
I just didn’t know how to spell “ludicrous.” And I was too lazy to look it up, but I did know how to spell the rapper's name.

Monday, December 12, 2005

RAVE

As I see from my console, it has been nearly two weeks since my last post. I am sorry to all of you who were looking for some follow up. I sent ME a thank you card. NK is in London for two months. I have a few phone calls to make. One to a pair of writers, the S's (a strictly a get-to-know-you call). Another to an agent, PC, she's reading Sandow. Also to the fellow I ate Thanksgiving dinner with. My friend JTK and I are working on a pilot spec - a ludicris endeavor except for the fact that I know somebody who knows somebody who wants to look at it. I need to write a regular spec to make it fly. I don't have one. I'm thinking Scrubs. DS wants to send out Chronic Psycho after Sundance. That's the summary from the writing front.

Sweetie wants me to tell everyone that I beat her with a foam bat. I have never beat her with a foam bat.

My rave:

I am a huge fan of the redesign of the US currency. I love the new twenties and the overall look of the new bills. Classic with some modernist talking points. But it is in the realm of coinage that the new currency design is really taking flight. The state quarters have been, till now, mostly novelties (with the exception of the gorgeous Connecticut). However, the scheme has come of age with the introduction of the Kansas quarter. The new Kansas state quarter, if you haven't seen it, is beautiful. The usual image of Geo. Washington on the obverse, but on the reverse a humane and amazingly transcendent image of a buffalo among wild flowers of the plains. Absolutely sublime. Simplicity as art. After the confusing, inelegant jumbles of such quarters as (backstabber that I am) California and Minnesota, the Kansas shows the power of coinage as a venue for public art.

In addition, the new 2005 nickels are wonders of cutting edge design. The enlarged and slightly off-set image of Thom. Jefferson on the obverse brings a "cents" of motion to this piece. I particularly enjoy the way the scripted word "Liberty" seems to be flowing out from his mouth. Together with the buffalo reverse (which is a tribute to the original buffalo nickel and which the Kansas quarter evokes) these new nickels show that US currency can be both beautiful and meaningful.

Kudos to the U.S. Mint and the Department of the Treasury!

Out.